My husband and I had been having trouble deciding whether we wanted kids or not. Growing up an only child, the thought of having children didn’t interest me much. But something changed when I turned thirty and after months of discussion, my husband and I decided to leave the decision in God’s hands.

My husband and I are assistant pastors at a church in India. But I struggled with depression, guilt, condemnation and hopelessness for many years. I was also a victim of wrong doctrines, and believed in the influence of demons and the bondage of curses in believers. My wrong beliefs added to my stress, despair and hopelessness so much so that I started to doubt Jesus’ finished work on the cross.

My daughter had a foundation in Christ because of what I had taught her as a kid. But she headed down a wayward path because of secular influences later in her life. She gave her virginity away because it was “no big deal” to her.

I have been attending New Creation Church [in Singapore] for eighteen years. All of my children have also grown up in church. My youngest son graduated from medical school last year in the United Kingdom and stayed on to do his internship. He shares a flat with three other housemates and a friend. Three months ago, one of his housemates caught the COVID-19 virus. 

I had been a believer for over forty years but I was miserable. I was addicted to wine and taking medication for insomnia. I was also depressed and hated my life. I lost my godmother, my father, and my best friend of over 25 years. I also lost my job, house, and other family members.